* fragments of the same dead star



a girl who doesnt live life the way she wants it to be, peppering her existence with countless regrets along the lifelong journey



EARCANDY

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

on the floors of tokyo
or down in london town to go-go

the wanderlust in me is dying to get out.
i've always been jealous of the kids who go on annual family vacations
it's like a ritual for them, a conditioned fact that on june and/or december daddy & mummy will take me somewhere, whether i like it or not

maybe i really should have applied to overseas colleges instead of taking the old boring route
explore a new city, take a new bus, walk down a different road
i'm glad for the people who have taken that opportunity
through exchanges, or just school
i can't help but think that life has turned out better for them, in ways unexpected

i think what i really need right now is just a change in my life



Serena: it doesn't make sense!
Blair: feelings never do. they get you all confused. then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started.

if anyone knows of a working link for Gossip Girl season 2 episode 20, could you please let me know? sorry yeah i've been spending all my holiday time cooped up in my home watching illegal tv on my laptop. loser much. how about i double my loser factor by saying that i find tears welling up in my eyes at least once like, every episode? oh god, i am a loser.

and yeah i suppose i'm a little more sensitive pre-period (i'm sure most girls are, right?) but we talked so little today and you didnt even wait for me to say gdbye before you went offline. you don't caaaaaare :'( haha okay i'm kidding. but at the same time i still feel a little :/ you are so insensitive! but then again that's only cos i'm being too sensitive. i don't get it. do you get it? why i feel sad when i PERFECTLY know there is no reason to be. yet you're so stupid. but i'm the real stupid one for being so retarded. haha this is actually turning funny because i'm so retarded. omg does anyone understand me? i am a loser.

neway this hols i've had so much time alone that as you know when that happens, you start to think too much. and i have reflected and concluded that i always feel my life is fucked up (and i still do actually) but ultimately i still cannot deny my blessings and they are worth remembering too. sometimes i wonder what if i had done things differently, put in more effort, planned ahead. most of the time, i regret as i always do. but some of the things i enjoyed and cherished. my downfall is.. i am a downright pessimist and i have always denied this trait in myself. it's like you know smth is damn ass-right true, but you just don't want to admit it cos you don't know what to do with the truth. i don't know how to go from here, as a pessimist. becos i've always wanted to be an optimist and scale to further heights with whatever opportunities. but frankly? didn't get me anywhere. ideals just get defenestrated becos i don't know how to handle them. i don't know what to do... or i pick the wrong timing... or i simply just don't do anything blahblahblah. and i still don't have the answer on how to go from here. mid-year crisis! i need to find smth constructive to do to get my mind off this.

and seriously? i have all these ideals sometimes and i let them get into my head. like i really care about some things, and everyone else doesn't seem to think they matter. but they still get it so easily, and i don't. like i need to take 10 giant leaps for mankind, and all it takes for someone else is just a single effortless step. do not say that i exaggerate, becos it rly feels like this! sometimes i take too much control, and i end up being taken advantage of. but when i step back, nothing happens. what's worse is when things happen but i'm not part of the picture. how much more of a loser can i get?

wow i really sound really sad and emo and you probably think i'm sobbing while typing, but no i still feel perfectly normal and unsad. okay slightly hurt because you talked to me so little today but i know that's cos i'm being too sensitive as i've already discussed in above monologue. other than that i am fine. i really should be grateful for what i already have, instead of harping on all the times others have their one up over me. actually i think i am grateful, i just don't feel it enough yet.

what am i saying really. does anyone understand me?

our trusty compass fails to find this strange and new position


currently freeriding on some unknown neighbour's internet connection cos mine is down. hope this doesn't last for long.. so instead of the usual online activities today, i ended up playing Diner Dash on my mum's laptop. totally hooked, and frustrated at level 10 in the Tiki Restaurant!!! damn harrrrd, pengsan alrdy :/


so last night was erica's awesome alliteration party.. with practically nobody awesomely dressed up!! i still believe freda, julian, mel and i could win "best effort" okay. haha. even birthday girl erica wore a purple dress, stuck a green paper leaf-thing on her shoulder and called herself an EGGPLANT. (okay admittedly still quite cute la!) at least the girls made some decent effort to alliterate. but the boys?!?!?! unacceptable. even "Lego Leo" didn't wear his lego arms. then for what siaaaa hahaha. and the most -_-" award goes to frans who didn't bother to dress up and called himself "Fuckface Frans" aiyoooooo


so we all concluded that no matter how long kaka is far far away, she's still the same old kaka when she returns. the same smile, same laugh, same mannerisms. :) :D :S :)
erica teo zilei, we love you just the way you are baby! on wed you'll finally be a womannnn! then cdk will become powerpuff women! actually i can't believe i just said that.


oh oh i can't wait to check out tampines one tmr.

melt my heart to stone

i'm starting to become one of those pple who only blog to release angstygalz88 feelings. cathartic much, but makes for very boring and depressing reads after a while, no? i suppose if i pen my happiness down (or just anything else), perhaps i'll remember my fortunes > misfortunes.

re-falling in love with Adele. love how her voice is different, and she hits the low notes so flawlessly which i'd say is tough for females.

voluntarily introducing myself to lotsa random bands recently. i conclude that i don't like Chris Bell, and i'm rather drawn to The Submarines and Band of Horses.

and today i watched Funny Face with my sister, featuring Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire (familiar name for popculture Hy2254 kids!). the sister and i decide that it's very disturbing to see Astaire play as Hepburn's love interest, seeing how old he is contrasted to her youth. BUT their dance duets are smoooooooth. and their timing is perfect with the music. classic hollywood is definitely, like Dr Chua from popculture said, broadway on film.

and considering this is my first Hepburn film (superficially idolizing her in my teenage years just for her beauty). i have to say she is truly genuinely a very talented singer, dancer and actress. easy to see she is ballet trained, but she also made the extremely weird jazz routine look cute and catchy. i thought she'd be the kind of actress who plays the typical sweet demure glamorous roles, but far from it. she has a ton of facial expressions!

sorry pic spam. but she is amazing.




Dick (Astaire): are you mad at me?
Joan (Hepburn): no i'm not mad. i'm hurt... and disappointed... and mad! -slams door-

so neway, in typical blog-about-your-day fashion, i went to return the barbie wigs at the macpherson industrial park. as shady as it sounds, i'm starting to not mind that place (unlike first dreary encounter). somewhat fast journey, considering i didn't have to wait long for the both times i boarded 966 (the cursed bus from jc days). wait okay 966 wasn't cursed becos of the sajc folks who share e same bus --> i found out my sajc eyecandy is ***** thanks to Wendy! okay i digress.

so i met Spongebob Ang at parkway after that, and we searched for the mysterious new Subway on the 5th floor. first.. we suspected that there was NO 5th FLOOR and when we found it.. it was weird. so then i mega pigged out at Mos and Aston's. when i got home i had strawberries with sugar & hershey's with my sister, and miso soup. and i still got hungry after that. and and and.. cathay sushi buffet tmr w andycandyhandydandy. why do i drown myself in fats, whine about it and not do anything productive about it like.... run? lalala i do not want to run okay gnight world.

so why'd you have to go and put stars in her eyes?

about 15 mins ago
i made a 11:11 wish, erica style ;)
my wish: i hope that nobody will piss me off today
in 15-minute retrospection, it's a rather scary wish..
nonethless i hope it comes true

dependability is my downfall.

work hard, play hard.
but suddenly playing feels like work again.

but i'm glad i've got you ola for the everythings.
the highs and lows, ups and downs
to keep me sane and insane.

old random photo. we only have ugly ones! :(
:D hurrr.

the last nice thing i'd ever do for a friend

last night, i dreamt that we had the most fun that we'd ever had.
in fact, we never had that kind of fun in the first place.
it made me miss something that wasn't even there.