* fragments of the same dead star



a girl who doesnt live life the way she wants it to be, peppering her existence with countless regrets along the lifelong journey



EARCANDY

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

miles and miles of sun
endless roads
twist on

school's pressing on full speed. and i'm still stuck on day 1. no time for anything except eat, breathe, sleep and dance. even when i do manage to have time, i'd be too worn out to do anything else but while away until i can sleep. maybe i have time management issues (and i sure hope i'm not the only one) but i've rilly never felt this busy before. i realise everytime ashley calls me (and nowadays i only pick up like once every 5, no 6 times he calls) and asks me where i am, i only say one thing. in hall. sometimes busy is fun. but still, not always.

neway i feel somehow simply happy now that i'm home, even if for a day. it's like all my stress fizzles out of me, and i still cant describe how i felt when i saw my mum even tho we dont talk that much. it wasnt an extreme feeling of cos, but i dunno warm, fuzzy smth like that.

i wanna be with you now so i can make your day that little bit brighter. i recently reinforced the concept of 'not knowing, yet still caring' and i guess it applies here, vice versa.

before i stepped into my house today, i happened to look up at the sky and the stars seemed to be glittering a message.. that life is beautiful. simple things are beautiful. the world is huge and we forget we're so small in it (so the fact we can still make an impact in it is amazing). with time, everything spanning from eventful to insignificant will pass away and be forgotten. what's important to us now wont be for long. and all our problems seem so big because we don't look up.

okay i realize my thoughts didnt exactly link to each other but it strangely makes sense to me.





travis - love will come through

talking to phy on msn the other day rilly made some sort of difference. i've never felt such genuine concern in a damn long time, it truly made my day :)

i'm proud of my hard work altho it's easily ruined (eg. cleaning my room! and other things may apply)

going back to cj in a few hours. i rilly miss my old life. i want my old friends for keeps, but i've done so little to maintain them! finally met nikki and freda for the first time in eons. so much catching up to do! skyping w kaka the other day left me extremely teary (a subtle way of saying tt i cr--d haha) when it was time to end the conv. only met other girlfriends once or twice in dec. not enough! but the one friend i want to see right now is janice tan ai ling aka stupid. nothing makes me laugh instantly as much as singing the "you make me happy" jingle in our retarded offkey tune. and random sharing sessions. i miss you la stupid.
to the secretfriend i emo-ed to a few nights ago: i have the knack of giving you heart attacks in the middle of no where. i know you dont understand how it is, but i know that you always care and it's reassuringly therapeutic. so please don't worry about me.

and i realise i have to start appreciating the blessings in my life. cld have easily had it worse. simple enlightenment, but how so essential.

random thought: guys who play acoustic in the still of the night can melt my heart <3



slow suicide
like it or not
it's what we do

gossipgirl sessions showed me how horribly imperfect we all are, and how we affect and screw up each other's lives.

it makes me wonder, what are we doing? why do we have to be this way. i try to be better but i just cant help it. i'll blame everything but myself just to feel better. well isn't it frustrating when you don't know how to change.

and then what's the point of changing. giving > receiving = at the losing end? but maybe you dont see what ure getting until you've lost it. but i rilly can't see it.
yet i want to give, but i'm sorry i can't be better.
irrational thought: why can't you be perfect?
more/less irrational thought: why can't you be my kind of perfect?
i don't know what that is either, but i'll know when i actually feel happy.
we're so strangely similar, and that will be our downfall.


my lousy show of volleyball nevertheless leaves my right hand feeling tingly and weak. looks like i'll be falling asleep with the smell of yokoyoko again. and ack sorethroat! alright night.

i'm bored, you're bored, you know it, i know it, so let's play a game!

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly (No lyric hunting! That is cheating!)


1. well you done done me, and you bet i felt it (eh this song is damn nice la someone better guess it wahlao)
2. it's really over, you made your stand
3. i know you've had good times, and you thought what you love would last forever
4. the nickel dropped when i was on my way beyond the rubicon, what did i do?
5. i like when girls kiss girls (ooh kinky!)
6. i woke you up before you had the chance to dream
7. it's all a game of this and that, now versus then
8. in the days of my youth i was told what it means to be a man
9. slow dancing on the boulevard in the quiet moments while the city's still dark (aww my fave song from this band)
10. roll up, roll up for the mystery tour (2/3 of the title is alrdy revealed hoho)
11. in my fantasy, i'm a pantomime (title is out!)
12. he drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme i know (everyone knows this song, even if not the lyrics!)
13. step inside, dont be shy, blow your mind, see the flowers in the sunshine (local band woot!)
14. ha ha ha, and pump it (louder) (HAHA WAHLAO EH)
15. she says her love for me could never die, but that'd change if she ever found out about you and i
16. you're a falling star, you're the getaway car (i can imagine frans singing this haha)
17. push it out, fake a smile, avert disaster, just in time (used to like all the songs in their album when it came out. so not me then, i was so young!)
18. i'm trapped in a world i can't take
19. lines on your face don't bother me, down in my chair when you dance over me
20. it's happening all the time when i open my eyes, i'm still taken by surprise


i dont even know the songs in my laptop itunes since i just kope from friends' CDs, thumbdrives, file transfers, yahoo groups etc. so i dont expect anyone to guess much.

oh my i was so bored haha.
maybe it's becos i feel nothing inside after you come and go.

right about now
the funk soul brother
check it out now

this week has seen me thru many first experiences. all i can say is i'm honestly amazed at my courage.

:D x a million!

you're making things so fcuked up. and you're not even great in the first place. i know i'm being unreasonably and dramatically angsty but i'm le tired so fcuk it.

so many things to do tmr, mind body soul going to go bust. and school hasnt started yet.

and i wonder if we can pick up from where we left off, wherever that is.

nowadays only food can make me happy :D

btw i hate choices rah. its so effinglyfreakingly late and i'm hungry but too tired to grab a bite. a whole load of things to do tmr omg.

on a more positive note, i'm gg to be so proud of myself once it's all over.

Over It - feels like affection (turn it up)

so here's a 3-day breakdown of what it's like here.
thurs:
3g's dance 7-10pm
g+ct's dance 1-230am (extended to 330am)
fri:
g+ct's dance 930am-12pm (extended to 1pm)
i/c meeting 650pm
yj+j's dance 7-10pm
betty's dance 10pm-1am
g+ct's dance 1-2am
sat:
3g's dance 9am-12pm
combined piecing 12-7pm

the damage done doesnt seem bad so far..
blueblacks arent a major problem yet (strangely)
heels and toes are sore
strained my back (hurts like crap), but that's about all

the only other headache i'm getting is from module bidding.
and i think i'll finally go for volleyball training next week hoho.

from now till the i/c meeting, i can afford about 2.5 hrs of sleep before i get up and go again.
on the contrary, you give up so easily.



Anberlin - the promise

okay so here's my take on optimism:
fresh start!
ambitious resolution making. nonetheless gives me hope that i can possibly be a better charlotte this year.
so if all goes according to plan, there will be changes in me.
for better, and also inevitably for worse.
i think i might become more difficult to live with, but i need this for myself. i dont want to care about what people think of me anymore.
i want to clear up my mess.
so i'm gg to be prepared to phase out people in my life who make me unhappy.
and yes, that means even you.

on a 'back to reality' note:

jasonish:
HAPPY
YEAR
*charlotte:
you left out the new!
jasonish:
what new
lol
*charlotte:
hahah point taken