* fragments of the same dead star



a girl who doesnt live life the way she wants it to be, peppering her existence with countless regrets along the lifelong journey



EARCANDY

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

oh and i forgot the (in)significance of yesterday
tribute to you: thanks for everything. no, nothing.

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senorita ; uphill and in repair says (3:33 AM):
haha yea i know
hahha
that's why thought shld ask u
lol
senorita ; uphill and in repair says (3:34 AM):
stuff that like
u know how u worry abt things so much until u just dun wanna think abt it anymore
just so sick of it la really

---

if only you knew
how much it's killing me
as much as it's killing you

---

all for nothing.
i just hate it when i'm trying to give my best shot for people
but i still get let down anyway.

i'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks

i've been going thru so much lately
i can't organize my thoughts as well as i used to
can't contain my memories into neatly labelled 'happy', 'sad', 'angry', 'excited' etc boxes anymore
i'm just feeling everything all at once, in equal measure
just makes me feel guilty cos some emotions seem to deserve more reverence than others

and i havent kissed you goodbye
so you cant go yet.. please

2563

that's the number of songs i'm koping from zhiyuan's hard drive now. didnt know what i was in for when i selected all and dragged it to itunes. laptop (yet to be named) please dont crash.

reason why i'm up in the morning doing nonsense is cos of the mktg interview w toshiba that was scheduled for 930am. thanks to the manager's last minute meeting, it got pushed to 2pm just as i was about to leave. what a #*$7(!*#% morning! thankfully it's pretty nearby, tho i dont quite know where exactly it is.

feeling :l cos i shortchanged myself on precious sleep. okay back to bed.

what am i gonna say
when you make me feel this way

yesterday, i realized how easily i let such a good thing turn so bad
and how hard it is for you to try and turn things around
sorry.. for making you put up with all this
thank you.. for everything




i am somewhat angry/frustrated/wahsrslydunnowhatwordtousehere

every single day since last week has been an upanddown rollercoaster ride that's not even fun at all. everything is imposed on me and well.. i just have to bloody do it, complain or no complain. this i can still accept, cos i know life/sch/everythingandeverywhere is no joy ride. i'd be fooling myself if i think life was easy. it's fucking not. but okay fine.

i cant even afford any time of for myself so far.. except for basic survival. sleep still very much needed. so tired until i lose my appetite sometimes. so stressed until nothing else is on my mind except GET IT DONE CHARLOTTE. and not just do it, do it right too. if not it's all for nothing.

i'm this close to the end of my hell week. so why am i still hanging in the lurch when the grp presentation is today, taking into acct it's alrdy AM time. frustration of frustrations: i rushed out a draft for the vignette just before dance today and for what. when my grp mate tells me he didnt receive it, so i send again and still no doesnt get it. not his fault of cos but how cld this happen to me! why is technology screwing me up now, i didnt even ask for this shit.

i'm unsually unreasonable now. but i (unreasonably?) feel i have every right to be. i have no regrets cos i know i did my best. i worked myself to exhaustion and got a fever again. still i never gave up. force myself to walk straight tho i feel faint. rilly dunno how i did it but i did it.

and i hate all u pple in the appear offline msn mode becos i dont even know if my grp mate is online or he disappeared and went to sleep so how omg. nothing i can do now. we're prolly gg to rush like shit tmr morning/afternoon/okay so we didnt even plan what time to meet wow great.

please, pple. how about some coordination here?



can
i can't take it.. i'm breaking..
i
what if i can't make it..
get
but there's no way out..
through
i have to make it..
this?

all i've got is a photograph
but it's not enough

you got me over the morning disaster in the most unexpected way, bringing me to the IT fair.
"april's coming, i need to get something for my sister's birthday."
sneaky idiot!


you've given up so much for me, thank you for everything. i love you ola!

sometimes i feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear

tomorrow, i'm either going to be very extremely happy or very extremely sad.

starsinher-eyes.blogspot.com

i've moved
just because i felt like it

btw random but i love rachel bilson to bits. i'm obviously saying this cos i just watched jumper. $12 ticket for 720pm show at gv vivo, cos it's fundraising for the eusoff expedition. (comes w goodie bag!)

and also cos xy wld have to absorb the cost herself if she cant sell any tickets :l and i know how this feels like when i myself absorbed 2 tickets last year for dp bash at plush. i cldnt go cos i had to chiong a lit essay i hadnt started on due the next day. (the A- grade totally paid off the scandals i missed tho hoho)

btw pple dance uncensored is foc so please come watch and get tickets before they run out!

and i think the fact that i have no stressful deadlines this week (NM was definitely stressful and spoilt my midterm break but it was over on mon morning, and i'm alrdy halfway thru my mktg graded tutorial due fri) is trapping me into a false sense of security. i left my diary at home with my deadlines all in it, so i'm rilly not sure (and cant be bothered) but what i have to do by next week. whatev!

i'm childishly excited cos sonja and i are gg to collect our star lanterns tmr :D ! but i'm also childishly sad that the poor soldier is doing his 24k right now :/

getting nocturnal. sleeping at almost 6, and sometimes 6 for no reason at all. must go now. byebye dubai.

just finished the NM midterm and can i say that it was totally rockin la. we're all gonna rock it together cos we'll all gonna fail so we can stay in the middle of the bell curve wootz.

currently in a state of coma due to lack of sleep. so i just wanna say that i loved my saturday. very much. i've been waiting very long for days like that.

i hope i dont fall asleep during film art, which starts in 15 mins. time to wake olly and find sonny so we can all go together.