* fragments of the same dead star

♥♥♥

* fragments of the same dead star

a girl who doesnt live life the way she wants it to be, peppering her existence with countless regrets along the lifelong journey

EARCANDY

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

if i could be at a million places all at once, i would.

on the fourth day of christmas
my true love gave to me four calling birds..

shopping is finally coming back to me.
now all i need is the money.
which also means now all i need is the job.
will someone please hire me?

and thanks to suejean's brother's mahjong 101
i have the itch to play it now
pong!

on the second day of christmas
my true love gave to me two turtledoves..

the best present of the day was the smile you put on my face
and the best present i gave today was the smile i put on yours
i have been thanking you a lot these few days
but once again thank you for making a difference in my life

oh what fun it is tonight

amidst all the hype and overrated magic of the season,
here's sincerely wishing one and all a merry christmas.

i found that it's better to be on a natural high :D
a manic monday or a lazy one,
having a good time is what you make it out to be
it can be anything, everything, nothing

to me, the true magic of xmas (if there's any at all)
is seeing the love that stretches far beyond material possessions
the gifts.. the food.. the salutations..
and finding out that what you want and really need
is what was always there waiting for you
when you didnt ask for it
when you thought you didnt need it at all

i have found that this is not the season for regret
it is the time to cast aside all your inhibitions
it costs nothing to give a smile, to say thank you
but it can mean everything even to just one person
and that's something

when you least expect, that's when you get your greatest surprise
but so what if you get disappointment in the end?
anticipation is acceptance in itself
that you are willing to let into your life the goodness you deserve
instead of giving in to fear

i am starting to believe that fear is worthless
it makes you think of all the possible worstcase scenarios
and it blinds you because the worse scenario of all
is looking back and thinking 'what if i only had the courage to...'
and then thinking of all the possible best scenarios
that you could have had
but gave it up to fear

that is why i have hope. that you will come home again
i must release myself from the chains i've bound on myself,
but blamed it on you instead.
without hope or agenda
i must let you know that i love you.

whatever you do

i'll be two steps behind you

wherever you go

and i'll be there to remind you

that it only takes a minute of your precious time

to turn around and i'll be two steps behind

flower power

fete de la danse

firstly i want to congratulate erica teo zilei for successfully passing her btt with flying colours :D ! finally kaka can start driving me home when we go out hahaha i'm secretly happy for that. it also reminds me of belle's dream (was it belle?) where kaka was driving a car, da and i were passengers. kaka met with an accident and da died oh no and then (was it dinah?) who took over da's place and sacrificed her life instead when she turned back time and replayed the accident haha so sweet.

i want to congratulate jea too haha yay :D .

yesterday was an awful rainy day because i lost my temper partly cos of the rain and it made us wait extremely long to get out of the ucc last night. speaking of last night.. it was great! the little girls were so small and so cute like tiny ballerinas. speaking of ballerinas.. thanks melly for the surprise present totally unexpected! the costumes were quite nice.. da and i totally loved the red dress. the unitards jenna warned us about reminded da and i of power rangers and the acjc syf item. but not to worry the star performers we all came to support drea, nicole jenna & jea are all so slim and hot they look good in them. i liked their contemp piece. and they seemed quite motherly when they danced with the little ones. the one at the side during the finale couldnt keep still haha. jenna told us during supper that she's kimmie and she's a little horror of sorts. she demonstrated how she always has to scream KIMMIE!! and when jenna uses her very huge eyes to full effect, she can scare anyone. the way she told us how she shouted at the small ones after their item "why did you wave to your parents just now!" was wow rilly it scared me too haha.

and one very nice moment was when i saw ms ho with all the old ballet mates! (too bad jea wasnt around then) ms ho calls us her lost sheep, and i'm very happy that she still recognises me. sometimes i still regret quitting ballet when i was young i cant believe i lost the interest then got it back again but it's like too late now sort of. but it was rilly nice seeing everyone again.

the salsa was undeniably hot. but is krumping part of salsa?! now i feel like taking up latin with kaka too. i know mel (the senorita currently in spain) wants to too. like what kaka says, we must either find gay best friends to sign up with or try to convert our guy friends into gays now.

okay now i can say i've been to chompchomp. and thanks to da's gracious hospitality i was honoured to be an amk kid for a night.

and to the bastard who beat me to it.. (you know who you are) i cant believe you did it!

presenting the stars of the night clockwise from left: andrea, jeanette, nicole & jenna

here's to a wonderful FCDL date <3

all i want for xmas are weird stuff rilly.

talking with nikki makes me realise that i want a vintage vantage teeshirt! (but david and goliath would be good too) nowadays my mum keeps asking me what i want for xmas and i always draw a blank. she says it's a blessing cos it means that i dont need anything which is a good thing rilly. but still everyone loves presents dont they?

and then i started to realise it's not that i dont want anything.. it's more like i dont properly acknowledge what i want and i just automatically say i dont know instead. come to think of it, i rilly want a pillow. my pillow isnt fluffy/soft/poofy yknw that feeling. i realised after staying at the amara hotel after zouk (thanks chew!) kaka and i agreed that hotel pillows are like da bomb man. they are soooo niiiiice you can zzz with them forever i swear. i can still remember how nice it feels like.. it makes my pillow now feel like crap. so yeah. i want a pillow.

and i want a towel too. why on earth dont ask me. i just get bored seeing the same stripes everyday. and i want earring studs too.. just because. oh yeah i want the one that i lost while playing with jaena but i went back to the shop and can't find it anymore. and that's that. oh and i want a black clutch thing like liting's, after borrowing it for prom i keep using it when i go out and i dont feel like returning it oh no! but i will la, some day. no rilly i will. reluctantly but surely.

and i want to buy something from the mango sale just for the sake of buying something from a mango sale. but this mango sale i have to say is the most disappointing of all mangoes. everything is so ugly and so not my size and the jeans are still so expensive. oh yeah i want black denim jeans. or a black denim skirt. or both. i like dark denim now it's like so hot.

okay i shld stop thinking about what i want in case i realise i want too much more. but at least i dont want to get a gap something gap anything anymore becos it rilly is just like an angmoh giordano. so that's an improvement on my impulsiveness.

but some of the things i want are weird as presents. i mean.. imagine unwrapping something and seeing a pillow and saying 'wow this is exactly what i wanted!'. i mean, in theory it is true, it's exactly what i wanted. but it just doesnt cut it. it's not exciting. it's not a happy gift to receive. ironically it could actually make you disappointed although it is exactly what you wanted.

or am i being too picky. fickle pickle says good night/morning/both.

omigaaaaaahhhhhhhh
this cant be!!
ADAM BRODY & RACHEL BILSON how could this happen???!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
:'( x infinity
my world is falling apart. this is just shattering!!!
to many people around the world.. you two were OUR ONLY HOPE after ryan phillippe and reese witherspoon (okay let us take a moment to remember ryan & reese for a while.)

okay moment taken.

anyhows.. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY HOWWW WHAT WHERE WHEN omgggggg
you know how rare it is to have the perfect onscreen AND offscreen couple?!?!?! (besides ryan & reese who are now have-beens)

and yes since the bearer of bad news has requested his special mention in this entry since he knew i will absolutely blog about this tragedy.. this piece of bad bad bad very very bad news comes from none other than the man who knows it all (and possibly knows too much of everything which he is probably very proud of i can already imagine the grin on his face hahaha) --
Arriola Ashley Christopher John Alban. i copied and pasted that from msn becos that is exactly how he wanted to be named becos he thinks i'm stupid and i'll spell it wrongly gee what an ash hole huh. but it is a very long name and i usually just call him 'big cock' or 'cock' for short.

okay nothing can convey just how exactly deeply devastated i am right now so i shall just use caps from now on to emphasize how serious this is in case you dont already know that. THIS IS JUST UNBELIEVABLE RILLY LIKE NO SERIOUSLY LIKE NO TOTALLY. YOU MAY JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AND THINK I'M JUST EXAGGERATING BUT OKAY LA I AM PUSHING IT A LITTLE BUT THIS IS ADAM AND RACHEL! SETH&SUMMER!!!!!!!!! I'VE ONLY WATCHED OC SEASON 1 AND HOW CAN I CARRY ON WITH THE REST KNOWING THAT THEY'RE NOT WHO THEY ARE MEANT TO BE ANYMORE. IT'S LIKE WATCHING A LIE ON DVD. I CANNOT TAKE IT THIS IS OMG RILLY LIKE NO SERIOUSLY.

ROAR.

nikki's blog quiz thing is so GROOVY! doing it was so fun. time to explore the rest of the site!

you are 'today's special'
(and tomorrow and the next and the next.. etc.)

nglmb, imswyf
ngtmh, imswy
ykhtam, imswymb
nemmftw, imswy

i keep adding posts so soon but my mind just seems to be flooded with things. joshels made me laugh till i had tears in my eyes, yknw the kind where you laugh so hard that you cry. i havent had that in a long time. well now we know we have one thing in common -- having to stand in front of the school hall for the funniest reasons ever!

iwo jima! now now now now now.

and dont say girls have lousy sense of direction. i helped da find her way to katong mall! yeay i feel helpful.

xmas is coming. as in.. rilly. i'm neutral about it becos all my feelings balance out each other. but a rough composition would go like this -- 2/3 hopeful, 1/5 anxious, 3/4 nostalgic (i cant quite put my finger on this feeling but it's a strong one), 1/2 fearful, 1/5 excited, 1/4 jaded. they dont quite add up to a whole, but i guess that's how the human heart is meant to be -- complicated.

and i have 1/2 a mind to tell you the words i shld have said right from the start, but that's only if history repeats itself. that is why i have so much hope.

and all in all i think i learnt a pretty impt lesson today..

to think less with my head and more with my heart

sometimes it's good to take a break from songs full of words and soothe yourself with one without.

it's like silence sort of -- golden.

schmuck

seeing you like that made me horrible. you just cant imagine. all i can say is that i'm glad we met up and i'm glad that i was there for you and i hope i could make you feel better if only at least a tiny little bit. maybe what happened was meant to be. and well i guess hard knocks are the best ways to bring us back to our senses and take a step back and realise 'ohmygawd this is so wrong'. and we'll be the better for it.

i'll be there for you
these five words i swear to you!

when you have difficulty punching keys on your phone and it all gets chipped and ugly after opening bottle caps and stuff, you know it's time to say goodbye.

byebye french manicure :l
it was great having you

that nasty boogie bugs me, but somehow it has drugged me
spellbound rhythm gets me on my feet
ive changed my life completely, ive seen the lightning leave me
and my baby just cant take her eyes off me

dont blame it on the sunshine
dont blame it on the moonlight
dont blame it on the good times
blame it on the boogie

it was a great night! i've almost forgotten how it feels like to dance all night - fantastic. and ive rediscovered another of my pet peeves - freakin crowded places. it made me scream so much tho it was probably so noisy nobody could hear me. a lesser annoyance is boring music, but last night's didnt let me down. can you keep up baby boy make me lose my breath brought me back to our equipoise days and they played grease medley which brought mel and i back to the good ol' emdd & cj teachers dance item. r&b never sounded better with the music pumped up and nobody caring how you groove.

great music + great company = awesome night

this magic music grooves me, that dirty rhythm fools me
the devil's gotten to me through this dance
i'm full of funky fever, a fire burns inside me
boogie's got me in a super trance

stolen

invitation only grand farewells
crash the best one of the best ones
clear liquor and cloudy eyed
too early to say goodnight
you have stolen my heart
and from the bar room floor we are a celebration
one good stretch before our hibernation
our dreams assured
and we will all sleep well
sleep well
you have stolen my heart

show stoppin'

this morning, i almost refused to leave the house, let alone dance again. too much pain! but i had this feeling that once you start dancing, the pain goes away (tho it'll come back later). true enough, charlene commented on the same thing later on.

oh and i still remember how michelle said that in france, engineers are the most sought after. like even a bank would rather hire an engineer over a business management student. it's so different here. most people in engineering i hear always quit after they realise it's not what they want. neway michelle says it's boring and she's now working with old men so she has lunch break alone cos they all talk about things like cars and buying the cheapest diapers in johor.. so don't do it.

and now i think the only songs that will be stuck in mel's mind as well as mine are show stoppin' and you hold me hold me, hold me down

thanks to kaka i now know that the train ride from yck to khatib is almost 5 mins long. that's madness! the north is weird!

dance gathering at chew's! i still remember the last time tash and i had a hard time getting there on our own. you would be too if you got an sms from chew that reads smth like 'alight after you see a huge field with trees.. (we ended up stopping at the wrong stop) walk straight until you cannot walk straight anymore.. (haha) turn right and immediately turn left again (?!?!)'

but he's smarter this time round. now he says to stop at yck station and take a cab from there.

sorry if i didnt contribute to any of the cooking but.. tired.. :P
it was great to see the seniors again! ash is so skinny haha. and jenna has an ugly bruise :l okay now i cant wait for the concert.. jenna jea drea & nicole!

oh drinks aplenty there were.. and now for the most un-jea quote of the day:
"oh yeah i have absolute vodka in my bag."

and another one.. in sequential order
freda: oh no char there's some insect on your head!
me: ahhhhhh
kaka: ahhhhhh
luke: ahhhhh
jea & mel: hahahahahah

and in the end freda saved the day :) knew i cld count on you!

the way luke tried to kill it was mmm quiiiite chivalrous. pam shld be proud (tho we all think she'd have done a better job haha).

if i start to have a breakout i'm blaming dalun for smearing his hands on my face and they were wet! eew. i guess he just washed them but i bet he didnt use any soap. that nehneh.

we played truth&truth while the seniors & dalun & saw played another game which involved lots of dares. the truth&truthers caught a sneakpeak of their action while we had our toilet break and omg the things they do. rilly. omg seriously omg.

eg:

mrdalun says: all i had to do was to lick cass's chin and lap dance jenna and have her kiss my neck
mrdalun says: eeee

mrdalun says: hahaha i made ash stick her tongue inside zhisheng's nostrils

mrdalun says: and zhisheng had to kiss yiqian on the lips
mrdalun says: that was bad i tell you

but sorry seniors for being 'anti-social' and not joining in but 1. the A's sucked the lives out of everyone and we had so much catching up to do and the much-needed bonding and 2. the dares you did were rilly scary la.

i've had fun these few days. reminds me of this song i heard on nickelodeon many years back. monday to sunday! everyday sunday!

becos sunday's funday!

i dont have today's pictures but a recap of last year's bbq at chew's:

xianyu in yellow again!

candid (except chew & claud & dalun)

dance family!

my whole body's aching allllllll overrrrrr
and my ankle's going to give way
but it's all good :)))))

the mutineer

there's my face

and it's the place i live in

it's by the sea

i've eyes of brown

suns that drown and sink

without a trace

and all that's left

are words, one breath

i am sorry if some hurt

Your little black dress is a V-Neck

What's Your Little Black Dress Personality?
Brought to you by Tickle

roses, postcards and machinegunkisses

the devil eats prata. man only joshels thinks of such stuff!

and to the kaypohs who look thru my phone list and ask who's 'alex always pays'
this is him.

simply becos yes you got that right. he always pays. yeayy (only in a big brother way so no quizzical looks please). it was very amusing when this little kid walked up to him to shake his hand! and even gave him a salute haha. his mum explained he was very intrigued by the uniform. cute kids cute kids i like. and he said too that earlier 2 kids walked past him and said 'hello soldier!' so you see if u wanna be a charmer.. always go for the uniform look.

random thought: vintage vantage!

and boo is the best boo ever! tho he holds the record for calling me 'loser' the most number of times, he also had plenty of nice things to say. and also, his best policy is ____ (top secret!).

probably a dozen million people do it every night
but it's a fiercely guarded secret
they all feel the same way
about all completely different things
just don't tell them..
goodnight & sleep tight
cos they'd rather the bed bugs bite as a form of distraction

FCDL i <3 us

today i walked past the place we used to go every morning, side by side in silence
i'm glad that the silence is breaking
but not for long

assume nothing, question everything

the phone is my new best friend :)

neway i jus got curious (more of bored) and did a personality quiz spree. okay 2 tests doesnt count as a spree. but neway.

apparently this is me. ESTP
http://keirsey.com/personality/spet.html
http://typelogic.com/estp.html
i dont agree with everything it says tho..
i dunno. you tell me.

apparently this is me too. and i think it's pretty accurate. EXCEPT for the sexual activity part (GEE what were they thinking).

your existing situation:
Insecure.
Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems.

your stress sources:
Strives for straight-forward relationships, founded on mutual trust and understanding.
Wishes to act only in conformity with her own convictions.
Demands freedom to make her own decisions without being subjected to interference, outside influence, or the necessity of making compromises.

your restrained characteristics:
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes her careful to avoid open conflict and she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are.
Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

your desired objective:
Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action.
Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.

your actual problem:
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.

your actual problem #2:
Wants to act freely and unihibitedly, but is restrained by her need to have things on a rational, consistent, and clearly-defined basis.

neway just a random thought. "the dance is a poem of which each movement is a word."
i cannot wait for o school. i will cherish those 2 days. hoppity hip hop!

the best compliment of the day:
kim said i looked like audrey hepburn!

audrey hepburn yeay :D
classic beauty of all time